In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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