Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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