he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
