I think I won the penis lottery.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
