I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
