there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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