i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
