don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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