i don't like sucking hair
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
