see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize