Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
