we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
