i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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