walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I need a burrito and a hug.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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