some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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