Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
