Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
