rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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