my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
