I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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