why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Randomize
