I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize