Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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