ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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