you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
