Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
