my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
