Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
