paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
