Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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