everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
