Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
