so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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