he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
