its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
