just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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