i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
