I'm lost and stupid without you.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
