im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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