WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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