I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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