I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
