I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Randomize
