after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
