You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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