I got chris browned last night
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize