spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
