I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
