i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
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