the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
