and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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