Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize