I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I want a musical about memes.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
