were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize