tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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