be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
