Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
