My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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