He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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