Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Sext me about skeletons
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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