is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
