Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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