her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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