It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
