is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Pants are for mortals
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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