if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
