His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
