she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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