UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
