Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Its about making memories worth repressing
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
