My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
